Feminist, Lesbian, Communist Girl Scouts from Planet Abortion!

Sounds like a cheesy b-movie, right? No. According to Bob Morris the Girl Scouts are trying to turn your sweet little girls gay, feminist and/or communist. Further more, they apparently don’t promote Christianity enough. Bob, who is a Republican (surprise!), claims that those adorable little cookie peddlers have a hidden agenda of subverting our precious American values.

…Which begs the question; Why is Bob Morris retarded?

Where to begin?..

First off, let me be clear that the Girl Scouts are not hellbent on gaying up your kid, they do not teach the girls to burn bras, they have no communist agenda, and they do not encourage abortion en masse.

Now, that being said, allow me to pose the following questions to Bob;

1) What happens when your child comes out of the closet? Will you remain true to hate-monger form? Disown them? “Fix” them? I can only imagine. Your children have my pity.

2) What exactly is your problem with feminism? Do you even know what feminism is? I can only guess that your idea of feminism is based on an outdated stereotype of a militant, man-hating cartoon. There is no need to feel threatened by women’s rights Bob. We won’t let those big scary women hurt you.

3) Communism? Seriously Bob? When you’re done being retarded in the 21st century, get back into your little time machine and go back to the 1950’s where you belong, okay? What if someone in the Girl Scouts were a communist? What then? The water turns to blood? Locusts? Death of the first born in every household? We don’t persecute people for having different ideas anymore Bob. There will be no witch hunt.

4) Did somebody make a rule that every organization in America needs to bend over and kiss Christian ass? I’m beginning to think so. I always hear these idiot politicians proselytizing about how such-and-such organization doesn’t promote Christian values or so-and-so doesn’t have a solid Christian background… Let me be the first to say; Who fucking cares?!! NEWS FLASH: Nobody on this planet is obligated to kiss your ass. We don’t have to agree with you, we don’t have to like you and we don’t have to respect you.

5) And finally; who taught you how to do “web-based research”? I think we need to get some parental controls on your computer Bob, because you will believe absolutely any fucking thing!

I don’t know what scares me more, the fact that people like Bob Morris are in a position of relative political power, or the fact that the majority of people in his community want him speaking on their behalf. What’s worse, he’s not alone. There are thousands of equally incompetent politicians all over America! We have got to educate voters! I do not want this idiot speaking for me. …or my gay, communist, feminist little girl. 😉

Recapitated